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Bipolar diagnosis years ago
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Q: Bipolar diagnosis years ago asked by: bitterxwife on September 3rd,
2008 New User Hi! I'm new to the forum. Just spent time reading posts.

My family staged an intervention recently, to show me examples of why
they think I need professional help. I've been living my life and
thinking I'm doing just fine, then out of the blue they tell me their
concerns.

Now I'm frustrated and angry with them. I feel like they've made me
doubt my sanity and I feel betrayed that they have been discussing me
in this way -- like I can't take care of myself or my teenager, I'm in
such bad shape emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

A little background -- I was diagnosed with bipolar approx. 18 years
ago. At that time, I had a lot of stuff going on in my life (including
an emotionally abusive, cheating spouse). I started seeing a therapist
who referred me to a psychiatrist, and the next thing I know I'm
diagnosed as bipolar and taking lithium and prozac.

The therapist helped me look back at different situations and times in
my life (at the time I was in my early 20s) and I saw periods of mania
and periods of depression.

I've always been prone to depression. It runs in the family. Growing
up, I just thought it was normal. I was a loner as a kid, found it
difficult to form lasting friendships. As for mania, I'm a "creative"
type of person and while at first I thought "mania" didn't apply to
me, I realized some of my best creations came about while I was manic.
In fact, I was unable to function or create during the times of
depression.

I was on the meds for 2.5 or 3 years back then. Quit the meds when I
was pregnant. Moved to another town after that, and ever since then
I've been in and out of jobs which also meant being with or without
health insurance over the last few years.

Tried working with another psych after the move but I got frustrated
with the therapist NEVER remembering a thing about me when it was time
for our appointment. I'd spend most of the hour backtracking. My old
therapist in the other town was fabulous and I felt like she really
cared.

OK, fast forward several years. Lots of changes in my life and I as I
changed jobs and got different health insurance, I didn't mention the
previous diagnosis to anyone. Been off meds for all these years.
Thought I was doing OK. Figured I must've been misdiagnosed.

Meanwhile, I've had several divorces, many jobs, been fired from 2
jobs within the last 10 years (and fired from 4 jobs in the last 20
years), dropped out of college several times, finally finished
college, dropped out of grad school, long history of not finishing
things.

What's weird is the other day I was feeling pretty content. I actually
told myself I needed to stop and live in the moment, realizing I'm
doing OK in life. But then a few days later the intervention took
place. All I could do was cry, then a few days later I was furious
with my family, and now I'm wondering if they're right.

But I don't have health insurance because I'm unemployed. Got fired,
partially because of my bipolar tendencies, although the employer just
thought I was lazy and kooky.

I've ignored my bills to the point where I've been sued several times
and bankruptcy might be an option. Family said they think I should put
my very limited income in an account for someone to handle for me.

I've ignored my health. I'm hiding from friends. I don't answer my
phone or open mail. I go for several days without grooming. I'm
definitely depressed and have been for several months.

There has been some mania and grandiose thinking tossed in, too. I get
tons of ideas and never get anything accomplished.

Now I'm struggling with what I should do next.

Do I really need help? If so, I can't afford it.

Was my previous diagnosis correct? If so, I really hate to be labeled
again -- it led to family acting like "I told you so" and every time I
made a decision certain family members didn't agree with, they'd blame
it on my mental illness and tell me all of my decisions are wrong. And
it's very frustrating to feel like your opinions are totally valid
only to have someone tell you IN FRONT OF STRANGERS that you're
obviously off your meds again or you wouldn't be saying such things.

Sometimes it seems worth fighting for my life to be my own. But other
times it feels like it would be easier to give in and let everyone
else take care of me.

I've done a lot of research online over the past few days about
bipolar. Back when I was diagnosed, I didn't even know the Internet
existed, but now I find tons of information about it. I've read a few
blogs by people who are bipolar and bookmarked some because their
lists of how they feel while manic and how they feel when depressed
really hit home.

Sorry for babbling. Guess I just need to vent. Thanks. Did you find
this post useful?  Replies(6)User Profile MandMs replied on September
3rd, 2008Extremely eHealthy There is no need to be afraid of getting a
label "Bipolar person".
It is a disease as any other.
So, you need a treatment to control it.
Bipolar disorder is not an easy one to be treated, but, it is
possible, and, after the right therapy is received you''ll lead a life
without extreme periods and events.
Left untreated, bipolar disorder, tends to get worse overtime, with
more frequent and more severe ups and downs.
Most of the bipolar patients go for years misdiagnosed as depression,
cause depression can be present for most of the time in bipolar
patient, and mania can be present in low intensity (being
unrecognized).
You don't need to be a bipolar patient, to be criticized by a family.
Family members always feel free to blame other family members,
sometimes without a reason.
I'm sure they care about you.
And, if the family is concerned for your health, you should be far
more concerned.
Fight for yourself.
It won't be easy, but, finally, you'll get what you've been fighting
for.

Check these links:
http://www.savvysenior.org/freehealthscree nings.htm,
read under mental health section, and you'll find the following link:
www.mentalhealthscreening.org.

Many blessings!
Always here for your "babbling"!
Marija Did you find this post useful?  Avatar NightStar replied on
September 3rd, 2008Experienced User I am bipolar I have held 30
different jobs usually just lasting 6 months then I would quit or get
fired and be out of work for a period of time, then I would start
again with a new job, and maybe last another 6 months before I was out
of work again.

I went to the social security office and applied for disability. I got
approved after they seen my work records they went through each of
them with me.

I am now on medication, but there was 10 years I went without
medication and that was when all the job hopping took place.

Now I get medication, I don't think it is adjusted right and will be
going back to the doctor for further adjusting. I also have attention
deficit disorder. So that didn't help keeping jobs either. Did you
find this post useful?  Avatar antigone replied on September 3rd,
2008Extremely eHealthy I can understand your hesitation about being
labeled. I can appreciate you being reticent to telling your family
they were right. This being said, I urge you to find some sort of
county health clinic that offers services for people that are under
insured. You sound like you do indeed suffer with bipolar disorder.
Medications will help you regain control in your life. Once you have
the proper medications on board and maintain a routine of taking your
medications your moods will even out. You will be able to take care of
yourself and your teen child. Financial ruin is a common occurrence in
the lives of people who suffer with bipolar disorder and remain
untreated. This disorder is treated but not cured. You can get your
life back. You do not have to give control to your disease unless you
want to. Proper treatment brings stability in your moods and life. I
urge you to seek out help soon.

Feel free to keep us updated with your progress. Vent, babble, and
carry on any time here. That is what this forum is about. All the
best! Did you find this post useful?  Avatar bitterxwife replied on
September 3rd, 2008New User Thanks, everyone!

I appreciate all of the comments very much.

It definitely helps to hear from those who have been in the same
situations.

Makes me feel a little better about everything. I just hate being in
limbo.

I've been scrolling through and reading more of the messages here on
the site to learn even more, and looking at recommended links, books,
etc.

Today I got my teen off to school, came back home, got back in bed
thinking my alarm would go off in 1 hour, and then I was awakened by
the sound of the mail man 5 hours later. I have absolutely no problem
sleeping all day.

Before I drifted off to sleep, a family member called and gave me two
chores to take care of today -- one was to exercise and the other was
to do some house cleaning. Said they'd call later to check up on me
and make sure I'd done both things. I didn't do either.

Why is it that they think their commitment to helping me means they'll
call to tell me to get out of bed, call to give me chores, and if I
obey surely I'll get better??? Did you find this post useful?  Avatar
bitterxwife replied on September 4th, 2008New User Here's an update on
the list of chores:

http://ehealthforum.com/health/family-give
s-me-daily-to-do-list-as-their-way-to-help -quot-t153502.html Did you
find this post useful?  User Profile puzzld replied on September 4th,
2008Supporter when i was in that state of mind i often found tips from
others to be stupid and very annoying. you have to take time to
educate yourself first on your illness and then educate your family.
my husband never had to deal with any mental illness before he met me
and he was at war with my illness. he struggled for many months doing
research to find out all he could so he might help me. but i didn't
want help.. i just wanted the poop to stop! without all the supposed
wisdom of others. i felt misunderstood.

reading your history makes me think that you already know that
something is not right with you. a proper diagnosis and therapy can do
wonders. you don't have to suffer if you don't want to. i had to
realize this the hard way. i ended up catatonic one afternoon. i
snapped, broke... whatever u want to call it. your mind and body can
only take so much. hope this helps. you are definitely not alone. and,
even though i am properly medicated i still have issues with daily
activities. i'm kinda in lala land to be honest. but the alternative
is too grim. i would eventually check out all together if it were not
for the meds. always remember this is not your fault and it's ok that
you can't do the things that you need to do. best to you! keep us
updated. Did you find this post useful? 

Tags: bipolar diagnosis, bipolar, bipolar disorder, depression,
pregnant, abusive, answer, afford, apply, angry

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