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4/11/2009
REVIEW: Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water 10
------------------------------------

Written by Marvo  April 13, 2009
Topics: 6 Rating, Beverage, Glacéau, Vitamin Water, Water

Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water 10
I could stuff this review for the Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water 10 with
sexual references in every possible hole I could find, but I’m not
going to get behind that and force something like that down your
throats, because I’m better than that.

For example, I’m not going to talk about the three antioxidant-filled
fruits in this beverage — acai, blueberry and pomegranate — coming
together to form a cool, fruity manage-a-trois with so much
pomegrindin’ that they would make each other turn blueberry and scream
acai at the top of their lungs in orgasmic pleasure.
I’m not going to stoop to the crass level I’ve stooped to in hundreds
of reviews before this one and in the previous two paragraph…and in
the hundreds of reviews after this one. I’m going to try to be classy
and make this review one that I wouldn’t be afraid to share with my
parents and second graders, except for the first two paragraphs.

Glacéau’s XXX Vitamin Water 10 is the latest beverage to have the
stevia sweetener Truvia added to it. The maker of the sweetener,
Coca-Cola, has been pushing it hard up promoting their new sweetener a
lot and have been slowly inserting it into adding it to various
beverages across their numerous product lines. However Truvia is not
the only sweetener in this beverage. Crystalline fructose and
erythritol completes the sticky threesome trifecta of natural
sweeteners.
Keep it clean, Marvo. Keep it clean.

While the XXX in its name represents the three fruits that provide the
50 milligrams of berry polyphenols and the flavor in this beverage,
the 10 in its name symbolizes the 10 inches of man 10 calories it has
per 8-ounce serving, which is one-fifth the calories in regular
Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water. This is possible thanks to the foreskinned
aforementioned Holy Trinity of group of natural sweeteners.
Focus, young Padawan.

While the Truvia-sweetened version has one-fifth of the calories found
in regular XXX Vitamin Water, it also has about two-thirds of the
flavor. So if you think regular Vitamin Water is too watery tasting,
the lower calorie version will seem even more so with a weird
aftertaste. Its color and smell also are lighter than the original
version. I also wouldn’t recommend drinking it warm.
Yes. There you go. No sinful thoughts. No sinful thoughts.

…DAMMIT! I can’t take it anymore. FAIL.
The Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water 10 was good and it tasted how I expected
it to taste, but it didn’t make me want to wrap my lips around its
gloryhole and…(the copy here was taken out after it was deemed to be
so extremely explicit it would make strippers blush and pornstars
cheer).

Oh, me likey happy ending!
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 10 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0
milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of sugar, less
than 1 gram of erythritol, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin C, 10%
vitamin B3, 10% vitamin B6, 10% vitamin B12 and 10% vitamin B5.)

Item: Glacéau XXX Vitamin Water 10
Price: $1.49
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting when cold. Ten calories per serving. Good source
of vitamin C. Decent source of B vitamins. Being able to express
myself. Pomegrindin’.
Cons: Weird aftertaste. Tastes bad when warm. Taste not equivalent to
regular XXX Vitamin Water. Uses three types of sweeteners. Contains
only 1% juice. Trying to write a normal review.
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Posted on 13 April 2009
17 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

1.  Orchid64 says: April 14, 2009 at 1:37 AM
Any company that puts XXX in their product name is begging you for
the kind of the review you’ve just written.

2.  chris says: April 14, 2009 at 2:33 AM
i am truly impressed with the term “pomegrindin”. good werk with
that one.

3.  Bear Silber says: April 14, 2009 at 2:43 AM
My mom bought this thinking the entire bottle was 10 calories. I
promptly pointed out that the bottle is 2.5 servings so 25
calories. She got all flustered and complained that it was
deceptive. :P I tried to reason with her that 10/25 calories was
no big deal but the point was that a regular 20 oz. soda would be
around 200 calories and there was your difference but she wasn’t
havin’ it. She won’t drink the Vitamin Water and is now against
them for being deceptive (even after I pointed out to her that is
clearly says ‘per serving’).

:)
4.  Chuck says: April 14, 2009 at 3:36 AM

That bottle does kind of look like a sex toy. Not so much as the
Bawlz one, but still.
5.  Heidi says: April 14, 2009 at 5:33 AM

I agree with Chris. Bravo!
6.  JamieSusan says: April 14, 2009 at 6:00 AM

First of all, @ Chuck….everything is a sex toy.
Secondly, there better not be any freakin foreskin in my vitamin
water Marvo. That’s all I’m sayin….
Love, Gimmeyummy

7.  Woodenhand says: April 14, 2009 at 6:41 AM
Hmmm well you did show amazing self control up until the very end
but C’mon any drink with a name like Triple X is just begging to
be guzzled shamelessly!

8.  Walter Bernhard says: April 14, 2009 at 6:45 AM
Damn Marvo, do they sell this stuff anywhere or is it only
available in the red light district? Seriously though I’ve had the
Vitamin Water 10 and I find that the taste is slightly
off-putting. I am tempted to make a crass comparison between the
Vitamin Water 10 and a Girl I know named Sylvia but like you I’m
going to take the high road

win
9.  edman0037 says: April 14, 2009 at 7:59 AM

IMHO, I think the 10 version is more flavorful than the original
version and I prefer it now actually. Could be the munchies
talking tho…….
10.  Heather says: April 14, 2009 at 9:27 AM

I tried all the flavors of the “10″ vitamin waters and must
say…their all “off” in flavor. The “natural” sweetners make it
bitter and give it a weird aftertaste. I found the XXX to be the
worst out of all the flavors, though I don’t really like that one
normally. So pretty much it’s all the calories or nothing cause
this isn’t worth the $1 to buy it on sale
11.  grinder says: April 14, 2009 at 9:28 AM

I’m conflicted. For safety purposes, I prefer plastic over glass.
However XXX water is not ribbed for my pleasure.
12.  Nhiro says: April 14, 2009 at 3:31 PM

Only tried Vitamin Water 10 because I had a coupon that made it
free. I can now say that I’m glad I didn’t waste my money on it.
13.  Michelle says: April 15, 2009 at 3:58 PM

Wow, I thought my friend and I were the only ones to frequently
use “manage-a-trois” in conversation. YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, MARVO!
14.  Marvo says: April 16, 2009 at 11:21 AM

@Orchid64: And if it had only one X, then I would write about
skateboarding and my inability to ollie over another skateboard.
@chris: I’m pound…I mean, proud of it too.

@Bear Silber: You know what you should’ve told her. You should’ve
said after she calmed down, “It’s only 25 calories, all your
flustering burned about 25 calories, so it’s not much.” :)
@Chuck: Well it is purple.

@JamieSusan: Foreskin? You have no worries because that’s been
long gone.
@Woodenhand: Yeah, I just open my throat and let it in.

@Walter Bernhard: I wish you took the low road, because I’m pretty
sure Sylvia doesn’t read this blog.
@edman0037: Could be because being high seems to make everything
better: colors, episodes of The Hills, Vitamin Water 10.

@Heather: I wish I got mine for only $1. :( I wish I could find
all the flavors here. :(
@grinder: That’s easy to fix. Just wrap some rubber bands around
the bottle then cover all of that up with a Magnum condom. Problem
solved!

@Nhiro: I want coupons that give me free shit. I also want a pony,
but not the responsibility that comes with owning one.
@Michelle: I have the ability to write an entire review about
manage-a-trois and somehow relate it to adult diapers or baby
food. Some say it’s a curse, but I say it’s a gift.

15.  Heather says: April 17, 2009 at 8:15 AM
I would send you all the flavors (seem to constantly be on sale at
Target or Giant around here) but then I would feel guilty for
sending you something I already knew sucked :/

16.  Marvo says: April 17, 2009 at 12:46 PM
@Heather: That’s okay. I’ll just take a regular flavor, pour half
of it out, and then fill the bottle with regular water. I think I
would get the essence of it.

17.  Gee Why says: April 26, 2009 at 12:26 AM
Great review! In fact, liking lots of your reviews. Wish I coulda
heard your thoughts about the “vulvar” rice on this plate.

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